This Summer’s Gonna Hurt Like a Mother


Do you want to know a dreadful thought I had the other day? We are about half way through summer. Let’s just let that sink in. There’s only a month and a half of hot weather, short shorts, and topless boys left! I need to have a moment of silence.

Now that summer’s half way done I’ve had time to reflect on how I spent the first half of summer. And to be honest I’ve done absolutely nothing. It pains me to think about the last two months and how completely uneventful it was. Aside from watching the latest season of Orange is The New Black I haven’t really done anything.

Summer has always been my favorite season. Something about the hot sun beating down on you while you tan by the pool and blast the latest catchy pop song that just brings joy to me. But sadly my caramel skin isn’t getting any darker. I had such high hopes for this summer. Going to the beach, staying up late clubbing, sleepovers with my cousins, getting near-blackout drunk, finding a hot boy to be my summer fling. But so far none of these have happened. Now I have pinpointed the cause of my bummer summer. My best friend Caitee ditched me this summer to teach in Korea. While I’m slaving away at a mundane job she’s off doing Gangnam Style and eating authentic Korean BBQ. Damn those Koreans for stealing my girl.

But wallowing in my depression and loneliness won’t bring Caitee back any sooner and won’t fix my summer. Do I really want to look back on my year and remember my summer as Netflixing and making frappuccinos? No! Twenty years from now when I write my juicy autobiography no one is going to want to read about Friday nights binge watching crappy TV. Just like Britney made it through 2007 I too will overcome my laziness and sadness and make the most of my summer.

How, may you ask do I plan on turning my summer from bummer to blasting? Well unlike May and June I actually have a lot of things planned in the next two months. There’s:

  • Way Home Music Festival where I will be camping in the woods for a weekend. How I will do my eyebrows is beyond me.
  • Family road trip to Sault Ste. Marie. I dread the seven hours in the car but it would be nice to spend time with my cousins.
  • NEW YORK CITY! It’ll basically be like the Taylor Swift Song.
  • #Evanchella. It’s what I call my birthday event and you know it will be live.

So what if I’m not travelling around Europe or interning at an amazing media company in the city. So what if it’s too late to have a real summer romance. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to go out every weekend and kiss as many cute boys as I want. Summer may be half done but it’s not over yet. The best is yet to come.

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